We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
