she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
