THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
