you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
