I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
