i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
