he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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