Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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