I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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