I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
