My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
