There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
