YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
