i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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