I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
