is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
