you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
