I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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