Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
