Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
