and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
