Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
