Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
