Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
