If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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