In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
