He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
