I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
