Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
