i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My pussy is not your playground.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize
