You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
