haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
