The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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