we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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