his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
