She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
