Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
