There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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