First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
