she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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