A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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