We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
