Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
