I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
