when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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