Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
