you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
