is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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