Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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