kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
