You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
