First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
