Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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