I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
