If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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