i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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