How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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