So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your penis caused this!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
